Trust
I have trust issues.Believe me,I do.
Outside than family,the people I trust are those of who I'd let myself been seen plain and bared without the masks I use to protect me.
That's why,I want to do this alone.Well,not entirely alone since I have God with me but I mean,alone without people who I have to use another 'me' for.
It's easy outside when I can always turn into an alter ego because it's automatic when I step out of the house.It's also automatic around people.
I don't think of doing it,I just do it out of instinct.Like a sea anemone would do when confronted by a tresspasser.They shut out.
They were a great help and I appreciate it,but I'd rather not to have to be an alter ego inside my own house.It's already tiring that I have to do it outside,too.
Onee-san trusts me.
Maybe not much,but at least there's more than 0.01%.She worries,just like Mom,but her trust at the very least I wouldn't say overcome,but rather passes it at one level.
She trust that I would do my best to stay alive until our parents' return and focus on my study even in depression.
And hell if I don't try to live up to her expectations,just as I try for Mom,Dad,and my teachers.I can't guarantee,but I can try.
For one,I don't want to cause trouble for anyone even if they willingly offer.And two,I think it's one of my,I don't know,reflex response,to be a person who the person next to me needs.Like,a brother to she who need an elderly male guidance,a consultant to they who's desperate for words,a bodyguard to she who feels threatened,a damsel in distress to they who save someone for a routine,a sister,a brat,a nerd,and lots more.
I automatically change myself to a record of a person who I think the person next to me needs to be despite it's not even one of 'me's'.
Basically,I be whoever the person next to me needs me to be.
My brain says,'she/he needs a person who can build up her/his confidence'.Automatically,it researches for files of characters required to meet the terms.
Then walla! Here 'I' am,ready for your service.
I don't want that in my house.This is the only place I don't have to be no one but myself,other than beside Qie and Wa.
Without anyone to be somebody for,I don't have to be anyone but me.When nobody is around,I can be me for me.
No masks.
No alter egos.though they stay inside my brain for further use.
Other than my families,Syaf and Azer,I don't really trust anyone.
No one.
Nil.
Nada.
Zilch.
Outside than family,the people I trust are those of who I'd let myself been seen plain and bared without the masks I use to protect me.
That's why,I want to do this alone.Well,not entirely alone since I have God with me but I mean,alone without people who I have to use another 'me' for.
It's easy outside when I can always turn into an alter ego because it's automatic when I step out of the house.It's also automatic around people.
I don't think of doing it,I just do it out of instinct.Like a sea anemone would do when confronted by a tresspasser.They shut out.
They were a great help and I appreciate it,but I'd rather not to have to be an alter ego inside my own house.It's already tiring that I have to do it outside,too.
Onee-san trusts me.
Maybe not much,but at least there's more than 0.01%.She worries,just like Mom,but her trust at the very least I wouldn't say overcome,but rather passes it at one level.
She trust that I would do my best to stay alive until our parents' return and focus on my study even in depression.
And hell if I don't try to live up to her expectations,just as I try for Mom,Dad,and my teachers.I can't guarantee,but I can try.
For one,I don't want to cause trouble for anyone even if they willingly offer.And two,I think it's one of my,I don't know,reflex response,to be a person who the person next to me needs.Like,a brother to she who need an elderly male guidance,a consultant to they who's desperate for words,a bodyguard to she who feels threatened,a damsel in distress to they who save someone for a routine,a sister,a brat,a nerd,and lots more.
I automatically change myself to a record of a person who I think the person next to me needs to be despite it's not even one of 'me's'.
Basically,I be whoever the person next to me needs me to be.
My brain says,'she/he needs a person who can build up her/his confidence'.Automatically,it researches for files of characters required to meet the terms.
Then walla! Here 'I' am,ready for your service.
 |
| Really. |
Without anyone to be somebody for,I don't have to be anyone but me.When nobody is around,I can be me for me.
No masks.
No alter egos.
Other than my families,Syaf and Azer,I don't really trust anyone.
No one.
Nil.
Nada.
Zilch.
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