AkImA No NiKkI

sooo I was thinking, (don't strain yourself.) -oh,har de bloody har,shut up you stupid mind - maybe I should cut some slack on the coffee.Lately I've been having trouble sleeping.It's kinda weird,normally it does nothing to my sleep cycle.Maybe it's catching up in my system. I miss Qie and Wa .I've started my driving lessons though I still have a long way to go.I promised Qie I'll come over soon as I get my license.Don't want to cut it too close to March,you see.There's not much time left. Onee-san is going back this afternoon and God,please help me because that stupid shit will be schooling close to home which means he's either going to SMK TM1 or SMK TM2 .God,grant me strength .Pretty sure I'll soon would rather blow my head than spend another minute under the same roof with him - that shit. the Big Bad Wolf Book Festival was great! xDD we bought tons of books and a pair of Big Bad Wolf tee-shirts.It's currently my favourite. x33 I&

I've been known to throw careless terms of endearments around my..acquaintances.Girls,especially,because I kind of had in mind of a picture of girly feminine females when it comes to normal non-otaku female acquaintances.So far no one called me on it,because between us,that's hardly weird. When I started shipping Stony,I recognized(and quite enjoyed the fluff of it) how Tony casually throws the word "honey" and "sweetheart" to Steve and damn if it's not the cutest most lovable thing I've ever read in my life.I love it when he does that-calls Steve sweet names that is.It's so cute. xD Usually I don't start it on purpose unless the other party initiates.Sometimes,it just rolls off of my tongue.Well,as far as I'm concerned,Dibah insisted calling me-I don't know how or   when or what gorged her mind to even think of that nickname- "princess" no matter how many times I tried to change it down.I've had weird nicknames bef

Promises are hard to keep though they are easily broken. Some promises were even meant to BE broken just like lies are made to cover the truth. I always tell people to never make promises they can't keep because it's fucking bullshit to clean up the mess later and I try my best to not make any.And even if I do,that's because I believe I'll try my damnedest to keep it. I don't make a lot of promises,but the ones I had had not yet been broken. I promised I'd make Mom and Dad happy. I promised to love my family before any other human. I promised Wa and Qie we'd stay together. And that was it,so far.

So,ignoring a few(lots) unhealthy amount of shipping and reading fanfics,my routines have straightened out pretty well.I've started to sleep late rather than the usual 11-12 and wake up late too.Sometimes early,sometimes later.And coffee every night is a must.Gotta make up for a lot of nights spent without it.^^ Dad loves my coffee and I love them myself.Tho I think it's not purely 100% coffee.I mixed it up with Milo so I guess it makes them Neslo? I didn't think they're sweet,Dad thinks they're sweet eventho I just put half of teaspoon of milk.Meh.who cares? they still taste just as good. xD I haven't started taking the car license yet.Mom said I should take it on January,so I will.A month or two after that,then I'll get to go see my wife and daughter.I'm staying home until then,savoring my freedom.Maybe I get bored one or two time but there's always the books to cheer me up.And more to come when we-Onee-san and I-get back from the book festival.

When I was a child,I could never speak much to people. I preferred to keep silent in my groups and watched them exchange conversations instead.Sometimes I pay attention,and sometimes not at all.My peers,my groups,know that I don't talk much. One question,one answer. I like to speak in my books.But I couldn't write then,so I drew a lot.I had so many sketch books,uncountable doodle books,and immeasurable stray papers. Of course,I didn't just magically start drawing okay.It started with little stick people which then grew shapes and hairs and faces and contours of bodies.My drawings are never nearly as good as Onee-san's,like all my talents are,but it gave me a way to run. A place to hide.Before I could write,I could draw,and it was all I needed to speak. And so is rain. A stray thought glided through my subconscious sleep last night when I was starting to drive into oblivion.It was something of elements. Fire. Water. Hot. Cold. Summer. Rain. Onee-san. Me.

Well,that's done and done.Eventhough I'd seen it coming-had it coming,too-,it didn't take the hurt away any less.There's no point softening the blow. Huh.Guess I'm a bit masochist myself. But that got nothing to do with this part.No tears shed and no feelings lost.No casualties done whatsoever,it was just a bump in the road.I was going to do this anyway no matter what.It should be easy enough with the right...way.Although 'right' is nothing sort of an appropriate word to describe killing your feelings. I decided this long time ago after Akira's incident.I've spent too much time standing up again after Hideki,the stab unpredicted and raw.I was just the naive 14 years old girl I just found after being so happy with Qie and Wa and the betrayal torn me apart.I thought I was strong enough to keep standing but clearly I was wrong and stupid to have thought that I needed help.Especially from Akira. With this,it seemed stupid to rely on anyone anymore