Wrapping up.
Well,that's done and done.Eventhough I'd seen it coming-had it coming,too-,it didn't take the hurt away any less.There's no point softening the blow.
Huh.Guess I'm a bit masochist myself.
But that got nothing to do with this part.No tears shed and no feelings lost.No casualties done whatsoever,it was just a bump in the road.I was going to do this anyway no matter what.It should be easy enough with the right...way.Although 'right' is nothing sort of an appropriate word to describe killing your feelings.
I decided this long time ago after Akira's incident.I've spent too much time standing up again after Hideki,the stab unpredicted and raw.I was just the naive 14 years old girl I just found after being so happy with Qie and Wa and the betrayal torn me apart.I thought I was strong enough to keep standing but clearly I was wrong and stupid to have thought that I needed help.Especially from Akira.
With this,it seemed stupid to rely on anyone anymore.
Of course,I suppose our friendship remains intact and he's still the person I'd trust for back-up.I would trust him with my life,but evidently,not with my heart.
No more.No one,living or dead,shall ever hold my heart.I would trust nobody in this world with it,broken or damaged or half or whole.Not even a shard.
It is for me to hold alone.And for me to keep until I rot.It's not much of a heart,granted.It's broken,with stitches and scars and definitely ugly with black as tar,but it's still mine.Still what I'd call 'heart'.
For feelings..Well,can't say I'm in charge of that.The best I can do is deprive myself of it until it's safely contained in a safe vault.Be dead.Stoic,like I once was.I missed my old self,who could lift and choke a kid without hesitation if provoked.Only for self preservation.Things that does not concerns me would not be spared a second glance.All that matters is myself,my religion,and my family.
That definitely sounds selfish but I don't give a damn fuck.
Huh.Guess I'm a bit masochist myself.
But that got nothing to do with this part.No tears shed and no feelings lost.No casualties done whatsoever,it was just a bump in the road.I was going to do this anyway no matter what.It should be easy enough with the right...way.Although 'right' is nothing sort of an appropriate word to describe killing your feelings.
I decided this long time ago after Akira's incident.I've spent too much time standing up again after Hideki,the stab unpredicted and raw.I was just the naive 14 years old girl I just found after being so happy with Qie and Wa and the betrayal torn me apart.I thought I was strong enough to keep standing but clearly I was wrong and stupid to have thought that I needed help.Especially from Akira.
With this,it seemed stupid to rely on anyone anymore.
Of course,I suppose our friendship remains intact and he's still the person I'd trust for back-up.I would trust him with my life,but evidently,not with my heart.
No more.No one,living or dead,shall ever hold my heart.I would trust nobody in this world with it,broken or damaged or half or whole.Not even a shard.
It is for me to hold alone.And for me to keep until I rot.It's not much of a heart,granted.It's broken,with stitches and scars and definitely ugly with black as tar,but it's still mine.Still what I'd call 'heart'.
For feelings..Well,can't say I'm in charge of that.The best I can do is deprive myself of it until it's safely contained in a safe vault.Be dead.Stoic,like I once was.I missed my old self,who could lift and choke a kid without hesitation if provoked.Only for self preservation.Things that does not concerns me would not be spared a second glance.All that matters is myself,my religion,and my family.
That definitely sounds selfish but I don't give a damn fuck.
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