A Spiral A Day

I don't know what's wrong. There seems to be nothing wrong, at all, yet I don't feel it.
It's wearing me thin, night after night. I want to know what is wrong so I can damn fix it.
I have to fix it.

 I wake up, everything is okay. I look around the house, I do my chores as content I can be.
Mom and Dad comes home and our interaction is easy, light-hearted and comforting.
I laugh and smile as genuinely I can feel.
Nothing is wrong.

 Lil' sis comes home, I ask about her day and play with her if I could. Lifting her up or rough-housing or tickling. We laugh and the shrill voices carry around the house.
Nothing is wrong.

 Evening passes and I spend it appropriately around my family, whether it be Mom or Dad or Sis or Lil' sis. It is genuine and wonderful and calming and everything is alright.

 Yet.....when I am alone in the nights, I am sad.

 This sadness....I don't know it. It's unfamiliar to me.
It's not from my past and it's not from my memories, that much I am certain, yet still it haunts me for the past five nights in a row. Like a clockwork, it creeps into my head down to my chest and numbs my arms. I am afraid.

 The first time, I thought it was a dream.
The second, I read some fluff fanfics to chase it out.
The third, I went to sleep early.
The fourth, I stayed up bingeing Mark's and Jack's funny gameplay series.
Tonight is the fifth.

 It continues the same pattern each day. It dispels by dawn and sinks in by night.
As if my mind gloves a curtain on its own without my permission.
I don't know what to do.
I am unfamiliar with this new sadness. Like a brand new potent drug.

 I don't know why I'm feeling it.
I don't know how to make it go away.
It clogs my throat and burns my eyes but I have no idea what is it.
How unfair.

 It's unfair.
After all I've been trying to recover, something new hits me in the face. What is this?

 If someone asked me how I'm feeling, I would answer with "I am sad" because it's the truth. But if they asked me why, I wouldn't know what to answer because I don't know. That is also the truth. I don't know.
I don't know.

 Please go away.
I don't know what you are or why you came but I don't need you right now. I'm trying all my best to work past the remains of my issues, I really don't need a new unidentified problem right now, so please, go away. I beg of you. Please.

 Leave me alone.

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