Simple Things Make Me Smile

I knew I could never get away from that particular memory.I've learned to accept it as it is yet at times,it still haunts me when I am most unguarded.

I didn't think I could remember as clear as it used to be and I don't.Instead of remembering the feeling of being the victim,it felt more like I became the third person and watched the memory replays itself.
Much like the Pensieve,I would say.

I don't remember the touches and slides of hands on my skin anymore,but now I remember it as a witness.Like I stood at the edge of the bed and watched the past me struggle.
The leftover fear and shame bit the edges of my heart and I wanted to curl into myself and cry.I'd wanted to hold myself from breaking all over again.

I'd wanted to drown in the dark,to feel numb.
To feel nothing.

I couldn't imagine if more had happened.
If I had not resisted,would they have stopped? Would she have realized that something was wrong? Would someone heard my pleas?
Or would my virtue be lost forever?

I didn't know.
I didn't know what it was,until 4 years passed and the bricks fell down.I understood it then,that it was not normal.That I had been violated.
It brought back so many things.

I made a lot of personal records,none of them official because I trusted no one.If I had blabbed,I would've been sent to a psychiatrist.I would've been psycho-analyzed.
I don't need a stranger fumbling around in my head.It's already a messed up place as it is.

I can do that on my own.
I can free myself.
I can save myself.

But sometimes,it gripes when I open up my layers to share my scars.
The scars that never fade.

I was depressed.
But sometimes,the simplest of things make me smile.
It was just a small gesture,unknown and unregistered by the owner,but it made me smile nevertheless.I smiled,and it all floated away.

My day is bright again.