Disastrous Tantrum
Threw a fit of a tantrum today. One notebook (personal and private, not related to work) got destroyed in the making. My phone barely making it out safely while I was still incapacitated.
I was angry. Still angry, actually.
A long time ago, I would've just sighed at the notion and just despaired at making the best of what I had. I wouldn't be as much frustrated as disappointed. Wouldn't be as sad and righteously angry as satiric.
How many times do I have to repeat myself?
I am happy for her. I am abso-fucking-lutely ecstatic for her.
What more do you want me to say?
I support her. Will always do.
It's her life and whatever decision she makes, I am 120% supportive of it.
Only thing I ask is to give a single fucking thought about how it fucking breaks me that everybody is giving themselves a fucking free card to dictate shit in my life.
Amelia reminds me that my actions have consequences. Don't you think I fucking know that?
The issue is that THEY don't seem to think so.
From the beginning, THEY didn't want to include me in the notification system. Oh sure I won't be lifting a finger on her life decisions -I'm just the back up crew- but I would've at least APPRECIATED a fucking post-it note.
For sure, as Mya had said, there's a CONSEQUENCE to that now, would it.
The CONSEQUENCE is, I think, that it doesn't seem RIGHT for them to DEMAND of me ANYTHING from that particular decision.
I feel as if this requires a screaming contest.
SHE doesn't get to decide HIS place or role or fucking anything in MY life.
I understand, and accept, that he is in hers now.
But that doesn't automatically make him of ANYTHING in mine.
I'LL be the one to decide whatever the fuck he will be in my life.
DON'T YOU DARE TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME.
Amelia pointed out her blog to me. I don't fucking get it.
The last few posts were about the changes in her life. Where the fuck does it correlate with the issue at hand?
I suppose she's pointing at the "take "someone"'s heart" part which I already am aware of.
Apparently she doesn't get the memo that most shit she says contradicts the shit she pulls. Mya argues further that it's awkward, considering my fam isn't big on affectionate gestures.
I would like to reiterate that this is nowhere near an "affectionate gesture" they were going for. It's downright dictatorship to me.
It would've been fine if she had introduced him to me first.
Would've been fine if I would've at least seen the dude's fucking nose bridge.
Yet that's all the mistakes in the past that couldn't be redone.
The mistakes now is that she seems to think those mistakes held no consequences.
which I'd like to repeat and quote from Amelia, it does.
Mya says it's fine I take my 'time'.
Well that's the clincher. I'm not allowed that 'time'.
It just feels like they're shoving down the stranger down my throat.
I've not yet even MEET the fucking dude and they jokingly calls him my BROTHER-in-law.
I suppose formally, on papers, soon-officially, he is.
But coming from her mouth herself, it makes me want to scream and put thousands of miles between us.
In the end, I shut off my phone and shoved it down the drawers. I hang the "DO NOT FUCKING DISTURB" theme on my skype and soon, my other media connections.
I don't normally have this much of a reaction to a stranger in my life.
Of course, we bypass strangers all the time.
It's become to this degree because you forced it on me.
Even when I outright declined it, you continually to force me through it.
Is it too much to ask for me to process this whole shit at my own fucking pace when it comes to deciding places in my fucking life?
I did the same for her, didn't I?
Don't I reserve the same fucking treatment?
I was angry. Still angry, actually.
A long time ago, I would've just sighed at the notion and just despaired at making the best of what I had. I wouldn't be as much frustrated as disappointed. Wouldn't be as sad and righteously angry as satiric.
How many times do I have to repeat myself?
I am happy for her. I am abso-fucking-lutely ecstatic for her.
What more do you want me to say?
I support her. Will always do.
It's her life and whatever decision she makes, I am 120% supportive of it.
Only thing I ask is to give a single fucking thought about how it fucking breaks me that everybody is giving themselves a fucking free card to dictate shit in my life.
Amelia reminds me that my actions have consequences. Don't you think I fucking know that?
The issue is that THEY don't seem to think so.
From the beginning, THEY didn't want to include me in the notification system. Oh sure I won't be lifting a finger on her life decisions -I'm just the back up crew- but I would've at least APPRECIATED a fucking post-it note.
For sure, as Mya had said, there's a CONSEQUENCE to that now, would it.
The CONSEQUENCE is, I think, that it doesn't seem RIGHT for them to DEMAND of me ANYTHING from that particular decision.
I feel as if this requires a screaming contest.
SHE doesn't get to decide HIS place or role or fucking anything in MY life.
I understand, and accept, that he is in hers now.
But that doesn't automatically make him of ANYTHING in mine.
I'LL be the one to decide whatever the fuck he will be in my life.
DON'T YOU DARE TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME.
Amelia pointed out her blog to me. I don't fucking get it.
The last few posts were about the changes in her life. Where the fuck does it correlate with the issue at hand?
I suppose she's pointing at the "take "someone"'s heart" part which I already am aware of.
Apparently she doesn't get the memo that most shit she says contradicts the shit she pulls. Mya argues further that it's awkward, considering my fam isn't big on affectionate gestures.
I would like to reiterate that this is nowhere near an "affectionate gesture" they were going for. It's downright dictatorship to me.
It would've been fine if she had introduced him to me first.
Would've been fine if I would've at least seen the dude's fucking nose bridge.
Yet that's all the mistakes in the past that couldn't be redone.
The mistakes now is that she seems to think those mistakes held no consequences.
which I'd like to repeat and quote from Amelia, it does.
Mya says it's fine I take my 'time'.
Well that's the clincher. I'm not allowed that 'time'.
It just feels like they're shoving down the stranger down my throat.
I've not yet even MEET the fucking dude and they jokingly calls him my BROTHER-in-law.
I suppose formally, on papers, soon-officially, he is.
But coming from her mouth herself, it makes me want to scream and put thousands of miles between us.
In the end, I shut off my phone and shoved it down the drawers. I hang the "DO NOT FUCKING DISTURB" theme on my skype and soon, my other media connections.
I don't normally have this much of a reaction to a stranger in my life.
Of course, we bypass strangers all the time.
It's become to this degree because you forced it on me.
Even when I outright declined it, you continually to force me through it.
Is it too much to ask for me to process this whole shit at my own fucking pace when it comes to deciding places in my fucking life?
I did the same for her, didn't I?
Don't I reserve the same fucking treatment?
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