AkImA No NiKkI

"Hikaru. You told me you were getting better." "I was. I am." "You told me you'd fight." "I did. Still am." "Those cuts aren't old. The new ones are still bleeding on your arm. You forgot to clean the sink. You left the bandage open. You bought a new scissors." "There's just been some bad news. I felt worthless again. But now I'm good. I'm okay, now. It's just a minor setback, Yuki. I'm still fighting. See? Two cuts lesser than before." "Will you let me look at your arms?" "Sure. Here. Careful with the blood, don't wanna ruin your shirt." "....." "I'm really sorry about the scissors though..After all the time we spent burying it." "Hikaru. There're cuts on both of your arms." "Huh? Oh. Hmm. Maybe since it's been so long, I was trying to make up for the lost time. It feels like the longer I take a break, the ...

Made a sweet alliteration there, didn't I? *chuckles* Anyhoo, as it said, Foundation year is coming to an end as the finals gain by less than 72 hours. Then we'll go our separate ways, depending on the results. Just like highschool. Though this graduation may end in more memorable way than 2 years ago. Most of us are looking forward to the grad dinner night, a commemoration of one year spent together. Except for some, including me. If I hadn't paid for it, I would've stick to my decision on skipping. The thought of too many people was enough for me to burn my money just like that but Amelia and Irene had threatened of various torture and I surrendered with dignity. When I first came here, I made the first impression as any normal ones I made throughout my life. Quiet, emotionless, devil-may-care person. I've never been good with strangers. I take time to open up. Close to a year, to be exact. My roommates during the first term was alright, eventhough one...

Drama performance was today.  And it was fine, by my standards. We did okay. And it has also been yet another enlightening event of why I fucking hate people. Yes, the script isn't ours. But the punchlines are. And you people stole it from us. Making us look like idiots on stage. Therefore, thank you for empowering my justified reason on why the fuck I stayed away from the unnecessary contact of human beings in society. Because of such existence. All those 6 fucking weeks practicing and rehearsals, wasted into giggles and shit. Our energy and time. Those ideas were -are- Amelia's. At the very least they could have cited the fucking thing. *sarcasm duly noted* Of course not all of them were the culprits or partners in crime.  I was so fucking frustrated and pissed beyond measure. They were lucky I have control -what left of it- of my temper else I would've definitely break something.  Their faces, probably. I don't know if Sir noticed it. Don...

Kei finally got a girlfriend~!! Yeay for the guy, huh? Plus it's with the girl of his dreams a.k.a his for-a-while crush. At least one of us has a healthy love life. His would so make up for the disaster of mine. LOL I thought that since he'd gotten the girl, he'd spend more time with her and less time with this best girl friend of his but clearly, I was wrong. Instead, he seemed much more..clingy? Is that a good word in this context? I don't know, really. *chuckles* I was pretty much prepared for the silent mornings and nights when we usually would text or call and just talk about pretty much anything and everything. But then, some times lately he would surprise me by him starting the conversation first rather than me. Usually it's just me who starts. And then with all the exaggerated mushiness -I mean, it wasn't that different from before, Kei has always been the romantic-man and ready to sweep any damsel off her pretty dainty feet- but he doesn't...

Thank you for this song. The girl is a reminder, that I would fight every single night, day, and demon, for her fate not to be mine.  Her decision as one I will never take as far. She was lucky. She had one person who stuck by her side. Someone to hold her. Someone to say "I love you", and by all means, meant it in every way. Someone to hold a promise to. I have Amelia. Funny, isn't it? Amelia would hold me when I break, and bury my demon (literally), when the people I hold dear around me just sit awkwardly by my side and watch me cry and curl into my own ball.  You know...I think, Amelia could be my Catwoman.

Ugh so many to do. So many on the list. So many tests. So many quizzes. So many troubles.  Drama performance is on the night of 25th which is to say, not far away now. But because it is a group performance therefore involves more than one people, it is really fucking annoying when one person couldn't make it to practice because they're lagged behind in their assignments. got that in one, Merls. Hello, other people had it just as bad okay. We finished ours just in time for practice while you just wouldn't make time over your kdramas and whatnot. Okay, so I'm a workaholic but at least I get my job done. And yeah, sometimes I make mistakes but I try to make up for them. What have YOU done, huh? The drama is one thing. The finals is definitely another thing. it's on 30th, which is 5 days just after Reader's Theater.  Right now we're just catching up on all the late quizzes and tests. And not to mention is the deadline week for most assignments. ...

Sometimes, I get so scared that I won't ever be enough for someone. That I won't be enough for them to stay. That I will never be enough to love. I'm not pretty, I know that. On the physical side, there's nothing much I can give. My scale just tips better on the personality because my mental is worse than my physique. Beauty and brain goes to Onee-san while I just survive. I'm just grateful for every morning I open my eyes, even when I wake up bloodied and more scars than before. I just try to survive the day and hope to last another night. Nothing more. I realize I do avoid the fact of my inadequacy. I hate looking in the mirror. I try to take pictures instead of being taken. I am strong because of my weaknesses. I survive because I am wired for it. To the future person who will love me, if you do exist, know that I am not perfect. I have nothing much to give, except my dreams and demons. I'm not pretty to look at, both physique and mind. ...