In My Own Way but No Less Twisted

Okay, so I may have it like Onee-san does, what with all her commitment, falling in love, etc phobias that I do not bother remembering because duh, knew that before she did. Partly because I understand (again, duh.) and partly because I have the same problem. Not all of them, but maybe half or a quarter.

 I'm not one for lists though (was she trying to do the 20-things-about-yourself thing because it looked like it but there were only 18) but I can write it better than I say it.

 1. I can't really say that I'm commitment phobic because I am fully capable of committing eternal commitment to my work.
 Not to say that I don't enjoy some relaxing alone time once in a while but, yeah, when I have work, I commit.

 2. Yes, I, too, am phobic with falling in love but that's because both of us have been hurt way too many times in so many ways that it is already too unhealthy for us to get involved in any romance-related relationships.

 I don't know how she describes the pain but for me, it literally hurt like shit, okay. 
Like fuckin' shit.
 I'd rather E.J come into the night and take my internal organs than fall in love. 
At least he eats it than play with it.

3. (oh, okay, this is becoming a list now. Um, it's a bit more wordy though. LOL. Who gives a damn. Not me.) The only MAJOR wrong thing with me is.. well, my PTSD. It's a mental disorder, see, and believe me, I've done my part on the research. 


I have panic attacks.
I have mental breakdowns.

Tell me one guy who could accept and live with the fact that the girl he loves (ew.) have no control over her demons and literally break downs to silence and lifeless staring at the wall when she's in pain.

Not to mention I'm pretty much temperamental (as most girls are but slightly more because of my heightened disability). Say or do anything wrong, I'm avoiding you for 2 weeks, depends on how big you fucked up. 
Unless I love you. 
I can tolerate a lot if I do.

I resort to sarcasm when I'm hurt. And jibes. 
And insult. Heavy insult.

Unless when I'm really hurt, words fail me, and I will retreat back to my shell for a good half or 2 years.



 I did say my favourite M.O is 'clean slice' right?

So in a way,
 my sister and I, we're twisted in our own way, but not any less twisted.


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