Freaking Out

Okay.I'm freaking out.I don't even know why.
Last night I got such a nightmare I talked in my sleep and only one person does that and it definitely isn't me.
I think Nee-san heard me and I think....I heard me too.I was pretty loud. :P
Ugh.
This's worse than when I freaked out from that trauma I got during my time in the hostel 4 years ago when a couple of stupid seniors decided to play a stupid prank on me by sexually assaulting me in the dorm.They were trying to pull off my freakin' pants.(T___T)
Good thing I kicked them off and just in time to save my conscience too.
Sadly my pants didn't survive that attack.They freakin' teared it off into two pieces.Can you imagine the situation?
It was mortifying.And we were struggling on my bed.Nobody in the dorm except for us and it was after night prep.
So,yeah.It got me traumatized for a while.
But this..This is worse.

 Maybe I'm going nuts.
Y'noe,that sudden moment when you just feel like everything's upside down.Maybe it's the jitters from next year.
I'm suddenly thinking about long-distanced relationships.I meant mine with Qie,Wa and Azer.It's almost 4 years and next two days'll make it 5.
Distance isn't a problem for us...right?
I mean,we're still in touch.It's just that sometimes when we talk..There's this unwanted silence and the cluelessness about what to respond.
I hate that.
And sometimes I think that maybe distance did that.To our relationships.And then a lot of unwanted shits started popping in my head..

 Until I get it straight again.
Like if distance was that much of a trouble,we wouldn't be in touch with each other anymore and we still send "I love you"s like usual with every greeting be it morning,evening or night.
See? I tell myself.You're really exhausting yourself with all this junk.I knew it.I AM getting nuts,aren't I?
Y'noe what? I'm gonna go straightening myself again.If I don't post another post by tomorrow,call the Happy Hospital.
I'm probably there.
Chiao~

 P/S:I don't remember a single face from my memories of school this year.My classmates,that is.I remember their names,but not their face.I just hope I call the right name when I meet them at school this Tuesday. xPP

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

26 and still alive. who knew?

  Honestly, it has been a long..LONG time since the last update. Mostly because Twitter has become my new "blog", so to speak, and writing long posts consumes too much of time and energy I no longer have these days. Now that I look back on my old posts about what I thought of Twitter (nothing good, tbh), it's ironic how it replaced this blog even though this place is basically a record of my ongoing life from when I was 13 years old. The cringy posts, the cringe UwU anime talk, the cringe everyfuckingthing, basically. But it was fascinating to re-read my progress of growing up. The way my mind matured, and consequently, my understanding of myself. I'm glad I kept up with this record, so now I can always have something to look at and remember. I'm an English highschool teacher now, for real and legit. Just like I always wanted to be. Sure my mental stability isn't quite there, and my MDD is still co-existing with everything else, but what matters is that I am s
Read more

Healing and re-healing and more fucking healing.

 Here we go again, trying to heal through a variety of childhood traumas. Buckle the fuckle up, I guess. So, my childhood was sprinkled with violence as much as it was surrounded by love. That's what you get when your parents never went to therapy for their traumas and subconsciously fucking up their children as a consequence. The only reason I could find myself forgiving them for their parenting mistakes is because I know they never meant to, and they are aware of what their mistakes caused, and they are actively trying to fix and understand our pain. Not every parent is like them, I am well aware, and I also know that their mistakes are not everything they are to me. There is a huge difference between parents who consciously and knowingly hurt their children and parents who just made mistakes.  For all their mistakes caused my childhood to retain damages, they also tried their best to show me love in the ways they had never been shown by their own parents, and I appreciate that.
Read more

"Toukan Koukan" ; Exchange of equal value

Image
Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood is the best of the best anime can offer.  I resolutely stand by this statement, even when there are countless of other animes that can teach us many things such as Gosick, Soul Eater, The Children who Chased Lost Voices, Code Geass, Sword Art Online, Tokyo Ghoul, No 6, and many more I could name. The first moment I finished FMAB, it felt like I had gone through a life and came out in tatters. So much truth put in one series. So much life. Especially when it's adorned with death. When has it not? Life and Death goes hand in hand. The one thing I love the most was the First Law of Alchemy, Equivalent Exchange. It is fair, is it not? To give all and take nothing is arguably noble. Modern people would say it's stupid and wasteful. Wise people would know that there is something more at work than the naked eyes. On the other hand, to take all and give nothing is selfish. No arguments. I don't watch these things for entertainme
Read more