Bitter is for Naught

Hello.

 Baby bro just left for another week of school about an hour ago. He looks super tired and sleepy because he slept after 3, shaken up for sahur, and went back to sleep until noon. He handled bad sleeping patterns well enough before, dunno why suddenly today's different. Maybe it's all catching up to him? He is only 13, after all.
I'd woken up around 11, as usual. 

 Rolling around languidly in bed is a luxury I take joy in when I know most of my peers have to wake up at the ass crack of dawn and get ready for their jobs. 
One of the ups of being jobless. LOL

 A few weeks ago, Mom and I had a talk of my childhood memories. Granted, I probably shouldn't have let loose on the bad ones I could still pull up from the memory bank but it got me thinking on the hierarchy of siblinghood. Parents aside, the eldest had it worst.
Suddenly, all the thoughts about Onee-san came to light, and I empathize with her.
No wonder her head's pretty messed up.

 We of the elder siblings were toughened and drilled into our brains that we are to look out for the younger ones. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, I'm just stating a fact.
It's a good build up to being selfless, you know?

 But slowly as you grow up, sometimes I feel so......less.
Inadequate.

 Then I pushed back the bitter thoughts and feelings down down down into the box. Think happy thoughts. Happier thoughts. Why grip on the past?
Live the now.

 I have a great sisterhood relationship with Onee-san,
I can still be of service to Mom and Dad,
I can exchange playful laughter and banters with Mukhlis,
I can scold Mia and pick her up and swing her around on my shoulders at the same time,
all the happy moments I could have.

 Sure the bitter thoughts are always there, it's unlikely to always be happy 24/7.
All the negativity in one body can procure and consume.

 I just need to keep a strong reminder to myself,
that I won't let them win. Not anymore. 
I have bad days, and I need to remind myself that I have good days too.

 It's imperative I fight them,
because one thing I've always known in my entire life,
is that I'm a fighter.

And I will win my demons.

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