Doubt and Regret
Weekends are nice, if a bit too quiet, even for me.
My roommates regularly go home during the weekends, all three of them, leaving me alone for three days until Mon starts again. I don't mind per se, but sometimes the silence grates. Like I don't know what to do to fill it, though usually I don't care.
Had a minor freak out with Kei tonight.
I have a little plan for our end of term dinner (formal wear. Yuck.) that will proceedingly embarrass me in front of my crush but I planned it in the name of no-regrets.
Doubt was seeping into my head all day since this morning and by night, I was gonna cancel the whole thing. Just, push the red button and system all stop.
I didn't wanna go to the damn thing anyway because, duh. People.
But for reasons that are free food and I fuckin paid for it so, my reluctance rendered moot by Amelia and Irene who are ecstatic at having me play human-sized barbie doll dress up.
*groans* The things I let them get away with. Seriously.
Though I draw the line at shoes. There's no a-fuckin way they're gonna make me wear anything uncomfortable aside from the dress. I am wearing my sneakers and THAT'S IT.
I am putting my foot (pun intended) down on this, people.
No heels. Entiende?
Stayed up till morning. Read some of Kei's and mine old texts. We started fighting a lot this year. For a lot of reasons, I guess.
Kei was -is? I don't know- a bit dumb to read between the lines. Either he saw it and played it off or he saw it and avoided it on purpose.
I said the "L" word by mistake and he didn't said it back, as friends.
Now for me, the "L" word kinda has a big meaning, which I rarely use outside of family.
When he didn't say it back, I retreated to my big block of wall.
Hurt.
It was when all the fighting started.
But we're fine now, I suppose.
If I get rejected, I can always cry on his shoulders.
And since he's already been accepted by his, I feel safe.
Well, safer.
And I will stock up the fridge with tubs and tubs and tubs of chocolate ice-cream because there's nothing chocolate ice-cream can't solve. And cry for days watching sappy korean drama. Just for the heck of it,
And he will sit with me through the hell of it.
My roommates regularly go home during the weekends, all three of them, leaving me alone for three days until Mon starts again. I don't mind per se, but sometimes the silence grates. Like I don't know what to do to fill it, though usually I don't care.
Had a minor freak out with Kei tonight.
I have a little plan for our end of term dinner (formal wear. Yuck.) that will proceedingly embarrass me in front of my crush but I planned it in the name of no-regrets.
Doubt was seeping into my head all day since this morning and by night, I was gonna cancel the whole thing. Just, push the red button and system all stop.
 |
| RED ALERT. ABORT. ABORT. ABORTTTT.. |
I didn't wanna go to the damn thing anyway because, duh. People.
But for reasons that are free food and I fuckin paid for it so, my reluctance rendered moot by Amelia and Irene who are ecstatic at having me play human-sized barbie doll dress up.
*groans* The things I let them get away with. Seriously.
Though I draw the line at shoes. There's no a-fuckin way they're gonna make me wear anything uncomfortable aside from the dress. I am wearing my sneakers and THAT'S IT.
I am putting my foot (pun intended) down on this, people.
No heels. Entiende?
Stayed up till morning. Read some of Kei's and mine old texts. We started fighting a lot this year. For a lot of reasons, I guess.
Kei was -is? I don't know- a bit dumb to read between the lines. Either he saw it and played it off or he saw it and avoided it on purpose.
I said the "L" word by mistake and he didn't said it back, as friends.
Now for me, the "L" word kinda has a big meaning, which I rarely use outside of family.
When he didn't say it back, I retreated to my big block of wall.
Hurt.
It was when all the fighting started.
But we're fine now, I suppose.
If I get rejected, I can always cry on his shoulders.
And since he's already been accepted by his, I feel safe.
Well, safer.
And I will stock up the fridge with tubs and tubs and tubs of chocolate ice-cream because there's nothing chocolate ice-cream can't solve. And cry for days watching sappy korean drama. Just for the heck of it,
And he will sit with me through the hell of it.
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