AkImA No NiKkI

With Finals one week apart, this term is edging on to its end. Half of the students are going back home even when it's only 4-5 days of break, not accounting the nearly a day's worth trip for the far away people such as myself. With the ticket in my hand, the choice was made for me anyways. Speaking of choices.... I noticed these talks of matchmaking me with a human supposedly "worthy" of my personality (screw that, more like, my time) which most of them comes from one annoying classmate who's too loud and too annoying for her own good. As if there is nothing else to talk about. *scoff* I try to avoid being in her vicinity for the sake of my personal space but generally, fate hates me thus some of my group works includes her. Which means outside class meet-ups for group discussions. Which means talking. Which means annoying. only with her, though . Recently, a couple of nights ago, she opens up the topic of past lovers. (God, why) She asked me of Tho...

Next two days begins the final week for submitting papers, assignments, and presentations. After that it's study week for 5-6 days and then Finals. This week has been rushing enough lol I called Mom and Dad to see if I should go home for study week but I'm still kind of on the nose about it. I doubt there'd be much studying going on at home, but I'm hesitating to spend that much days at college for no reason. Roomie has already decided she's going back home so if I decide the latter, I'd be alone for nearly a week. Might get a little stir-crazy, even for me. Maybe I could spend them at a nearby friend's place? Nah. Too much trouble on both sides. Reminded that school was over for teachers, I've been calling home more frequently than before because I know that all of them would be at home anyways. I love that it gets rowdy when my call was in good timing like when they're all in the kitchen together or something. It brings a familiar feeling....

I AM DYING I AM POSITIVELY DYING I KNOW I SHOULDN'T BUT EP 10 JUST CAME OUT YESTERDAY AND WE GOT MONDAY AND TUESDAY OFF SO I FIGURED IT'D BE FINE TO FINALLY BINGEWATCH HAIKYUU!! SEASON 3 KARASUNO VS SHIRATORIZAWA AND I JUST FINISHED BINGE-WATCHING IT THAT'S WHY THIS POST IS GOING TO BE IN FULL CAPS LOCK BECAUSE I AM SCREAMING FAIRLY WARNED ALSO THERE WILL BE NO PUNCTUATIONS WHATSOEVER  BECAUSE I AM SCREAMING AND DYING AND WHEEZING AND SPAZZING ALSJSSDUFYURFYBGCTYBGCDSBJSJDGHSDFGKSDEYRETIRYTYRUODJHJDFBJSDBCJBCBVJDGFHJGUGSSHHFHRUGURYRYTUROEPWODASKDJDJHFDBVNBVNCXVBJFHGHJGRYSEURYYTIUAKHSDJGADFHGGASKDLFLKJSDKKJFHRTURTIRFUSADJHDKJAJKSAKJFBVCNBVNBVNCBVNBVJHFGGFSUKJDAHFJDBMNBVMNCVHJDGFKJGKSFGLDSHGKJDBVBVMNCBVNCMBVHJBV OOHHHHHHHH MYYYYYYYY GGGGOOOOOODDDDDDDDD MY SOOOOOONNNSSSSS MY BABIESSSSSSSSSSSSSS TSUKKI YOU SALTY SON OF A MAMA CROW I AM SO FUCKING PROUD HOW HOW HOW THE HELL IS MY HEART SO FULL AND HAPPY AND I AM CRYING DEAR GOD I AM ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY CR...

Today has officially begins the rainy (flood, for most eastern coast states) season because it has not stopped raining cats and dogs from dawn till right this moment which is 12.04 morning the next day. It's that time of the year again, guys. Ready the boats. (sigh) I hope there won't be anything like last 2 years. (I just jinxed myself, didn't I. Fuck.) Well, I'm writing as midterm nearly ends anyway, with my ticket scheduled for tomorrow night. There are plenty of loose ends (read:assignments) to tie up once I reach college and then Finals will start to end the term. I wonder if I'll make it home for my birthday. Ah..I'm turning 21 next year. Mmm...Yay? Honestly, the only thing I could think of about my 21st birthday is "wow now I'm legally obligated to vote. fuck." . Geh. I noticed that these couple of weeks have been...rough, to say it mildly. Some nightmares were making a comeback continuously for weeks making me lose sleep more tha...

Midterm is starting. I'm still at college and my bus ticket is tonight so I'm taking it easy after this week's rush. Roomie is already packing up as I type in these words, empty tupperware smelling of instant noodle beside me and a half-empty mug of coffee slowly turning lukewarm on the other side. Since midterm's only a week, I'm not bringing home anything much other than clothes and books. Maybe the smaller luggage so I could leave it at home to make packing at the end of finals easier. It's been a little after 2 months since I've gone home. I miss my family. Thunder is just roaring outside as I glance out the window every so often. Our view overlooks the cafe and the 5th block with a fair share of the trees surrounding at the back of aforementioned block. I think there's a picture of it in my IG somewhere... [ This one. ] It's 3 p.m but the cloud's not letting up. It's gonna be raining soon. This predicament is strangely ...

"We never defeat our demons, Mordo. We learn to live above them." - Supreme Sorcerer in Doc.Strange. It's funny, what she said. Because it's true, innit? You never truly destroy what has the potential to destroy you because it is also a part of what you are. So you find recesses to live above them, and it's a continual effort until the rest of your life. I've had an exhausting week. Assignments being typed and printed, discussions being scheduled and worked out, tests being discussed and examined, presentations being rolled out and moving, etc etc etc. We're nearing mid-term break the week after and not long until final exam for this term to end. Rush, rush, rush. Yesterday was fun. I experienced using a Black Room simulation and Rope Rescue during the FireFighter trip to FRAM (Fire Rescue Academy) in Kuala Kubu Bharu and everything was exciting and educational. I genuinely enjoyed myself despite missing a day's class. Though the backlash sho...

Doing assignments and working on papers has been really hard recently.  I don't think it's the level of the work, just that it felt like something was missing whenever I have them laid out on the desk. It felt like nothing was coming out of my brain and I had to scoop out the words one by one. It felt like labor work.    -___-||| And yesterday it finally hit me. Music.  All this time, I've been trying to do my papers in silence and not like I'm used to doing them, with a mug of coffee and earphones plugged in. I didn't even realize how long I've been struggling without them lol xD As the result of not being able to do my work properly, it left me feeling all kinds of worthless and stupid and useless. Not a good feeling, I guarantee you. More often than not, I had to take a break and take a walk outside my room, if just to clear my head. It kinda has been digging me up for a while, this issue. But last night, I was able to get into my working headspace...

My fever is gone now and I feel alright again. I still have to finish the rest of the pills else the trip we made to the PK (Health Center) and me getting my blood taken for a blood test would be for nothing. No headaches, no occasional ringing in the ear, and no runny nose. My temperature is back to normal so I could take the ol regular cold shower again. Funny story, when the doctor was sticking a needle on the inside of my arm, a classmate (who had given me a ride to the PK in the first place) was accompanying me. I looked away when the doc was brandishing the needle (I'm not squeamish of needles nor blood but I didn't wanna watch how it's gonna look like piercing my skin in case it triggers something) and the classmate sort of held out her open palm to me and I grabbed it instinctually.  When I felt the needle up in my arm, I felt choked laughter bubbling inside my chest. Weird, I know. I tried to hold it in but the doc was taking a while with my blood and I just...

*sniff* ey, y'alls. So, breaking news. I'm sick. Again. I keep getting sick a lot this year. -_-||| It's just a small fever so there's no fuss about it, though. Yet I do have a few things to reiterate regarding the issue. Last Friday, I had a major relapse. It went on until yesterday (Sunday) and as much as I didn't want to think about the possibility that it may have been the reason for my sudden fever, they seem to collide on the same time area and I can't help being suspicious. The last time this happened was 2 years ago in Shah Alam, when I was still with Amelia and Irene. To compare it to this one was dismissable to say the least. Back then, I was at my worst. I hate the nightmares, night terrors, panic attacks, meltdowns, everything I was having for months before and when opportunity arose, I wanted to pass out from it all. Even if I knew I was sick and feverish, I didn't give a damn about it. I did all my work early just so that I could pro...

Hey, y'alls. It's reminiscing time! Hahahaha Lately, I realized that the majority space of my phone has been taken over by Mystic Messenger . The little time I have when not logged in is spent checking on class and family group whatsapps and that's about it. Even reading fics is counted as golden time these days. Well talk about addiction at its finest. LOL Who knew I would be so hooked up on an otome game?  Hopefully my last, tbh, 'cause I'm not sure the rest of the more demanding aspects of my life could allow such an obsessive nature (bordering maniac) without sacrificing something. I don't mind gaming, once in a while, but I don't want it to be an obsession. I have enough of those to last a lifetime. -____-||| After I'm done with all the Routes and cleared out the game, that should be the end of it. I hope. Currently, I'm on Han Jumin 's route. And boy, does this one got me thinking. Somehow, Jumin captured my interest more a...

Yesterday we (me with three classmates) went to SK Slim Village (where Bro teach) for a project observation for a subject. Of course, we cleared out the formalities between the faculty and the school parties beforehand. We rented out a car for half a day with a fairly reasonable price and went off our way with the help of a navigational app. I have my agenda for suggesting the school in the first place, naturally, that is to pop-in and see Sis for a short while. The rest didn't seem to mind, taking my connection with a willing candidate a plus, if anything else. If they minded, they didn't show. In the middle of a class activity It was fun, and our observation went smoothly. I daresay to expect the end result to be well -if not slightly tilted- done. Though that is yet to be judged by the lecturer lol We finished by the end of the class, and gave our respects and thank-gift by the office before leaving for Sis's house (I'm not sure if the term 'my second ho...

Yo~ So, getting to the point, my thighs hurt af. Funny that it's only my thighs -or rather, my hamstring muscles- but not my legs, but considering what I did last week, it's not that hard to draw a conclusion. Namely, going down the Stairs of Doom twice in the span of 3 days within a week. Sounds impossible? Ask my burning thigh muscles every time I move to sit or stand or squat. It's hell. I had cluelessly underestimated the power of the Stairs of Doom and didn't think twice before subjecting my lower limbs to its torture. Curiosity does indeed kills the cat. It's painful. Sore, pulled muscles are the worst. I thought they were just cramps so if I sleep 'em off for a couple of hours, they'd simmer down and eventually go away. Alas, it's been 3 days since and I've been reduced to walking like penguins. Waddling, more like. The longer I wait, the more it hurts. Ugh. Roomie said I should take a couple of painkillers and e...

Yo. So, work is steadily piling up. That's good, I suppose. Better than having my head float on nothing, although, I do admit having problems in one of the classes. Then again, if you have more than 6, you're bound to be bad in at least one of them, so I'm not really miffed about it too much. A little irritated, maybe, just because of the inconvenience. I haven't called home since I registered for the semester, and that's, what, 2 weeks ago? I'm not exactly stalling or avoiding the act, any more than I'd simply forgotten and when I tried, it was too late in the night and they're most likely sleeping. Classes end much later this semester than the last, so there's that also. Messages from Amelia and Irene have been sparse lately but I figured they have much more things on their hand than I do on a daily basis. I do hope they try to get regular breaks and take care of their mental and physical health once in a while. It'd be unfair if I'...

Ooosu~ It's weekends for the first week of second semester, for me at least, because I don't have any classes on Fridays. Teehee! xP I suppose that's about to change next week, if what we heard about the schedule change is correct. Oh, well. When have I ever complained about work. *shrug* Although I do complain a lot about the people I work with, that's normal coming from me. When have I ever NOT complain about people? Hahahahaha xD Yesterday, we had our first class on Counselling. Why is there a class on Counselling this semester you ask? Beats me. Apparently it's a necessity for future teachers to be able to counsel their students in an orderly manner (OF COURSE!!!). It looks like CSS (College Study Skills) a little to me, I guess. Though gladly focusing on the student than the teacher. In my opinion, we do actually need more perceptive and professional counsellors in education wings. My experiences in those area are frankly, disgustingly horrible. I woul...

This few days has been....interesting, to say at least. It's 2 days after EidulAdha which, might I say, could be on the not-so-enjoyable holidays list I created after the big flood incident 2 years ago. It's not the holidays, it's the events that inadvertently happened on it. The healing scratches on my right wrist aren't so bad. I'm used to them by now, being familiar with wounds from cats and such. It's my own fault anyway, the cat at gramma's house has never been too friendly with people. (shrugs) NOT my hand. This is a random picture from Google search. I'm too lazy to put up the wounds on my own wrist. Or hand. Or whatever it is kids call it these days. Then the abrupt strong storm that passed through 2 nights ago and another passed again last night, though thankfully wasn't as strong. It wrecked a little bit of the part of our roof so we had to deal with some leaks from the ceiling in the living room, my room, and Nana's room. Dad h...