AkImA No NiKkI

I don't like mentioning the bastard.Even as we are tied by blood,born from the same flesh and related by all scientific ways,I preferred to pretend he does not exist . Ever since he dared to raise his hands against me,I severed our ties completely.Yeah we fight and brawl all the time when we were kids but it's not the same now. His arrogant way of thinking that he's the only person who's right all the time on this planet.Thought of us,his sisters,as mere toys to kick around. It pisses me off. In every family,there will be one big black sheep .

Her posts lately have been quite positive,rather than the usual glumliness (not even a word but what the heck) coating around it. In a way,it makes me glad but also wary.I'm glad she's standing up again, albeit shaky,but an admirable effort for her and wary that if she fall again,would she withhold. I feel guilty. Had I not approved.Had I sensed there was something wrong.Had I foreseen the way it turned.She would be wary.She would be on guard. She would not hurt.She would not break . The day I see red,sobs erupted,tears splattered.I wish it was blood instead. His blood. Until your own mother won't recognize you. I wanted so much to grip his neck and squeeze the very life out of his body . I wanted to lay out a plan and go over the tiny delicate details to slowly torture him and eradicate his existence from the planet. And I will do it with glee . It's just that,I was so happy..Seeing her happy. I didn't want to mention any of the killing ...

Sho's latest drama, Kazoku Game or Family Game .I watched it a few weeks ago and it was Awesome with capital A. Storyline Family settings are my favorite in a story,like in Ouran which I've recently just re-watched where the part Tamaki linked all of his friends in a 'family' setting. The part I can't get enough were him being the 'Dad' and Kyouya being the 'Mom' .The Hitachiin twins the 'sons' and Haruhi the 'daughter' .I wonder what does that makes Honey-senpai and Mori-senpai.The 'uncles' ? LOL Anyway,back to  Sho.Usually Sho plays the silent but hugely intelligent part like in Nazotoki Dinner Wa Ato De but in this one,he plays the psycho. Protagonist,yes,but a crazy one. I thought he has too pretty of a face to make that crazy work but I was pleasantly surprised that he pulled it off magnificently. That grin gave me shivers,man. Eugh. Although the plot was good,I had to say I was a bit disappointed t...

Well I guess I made it out alright. Don't know about the others,take it as a respect of privacy and that I'm too selfish to care.I don't want any comparing because it's inevitable no matter how we try not to. Onee-san came home that night and she opened her arms in a hug but afraid that I will cry the second her warmth embraces me,I ducked out of it. I was emotional and didn't want to risk looking stupid in front of them.

From now,it's another 12 hours. Gahh.Waiting is painful.But then again,like everything,it has it's good side.I get to look forward to it.Can't say I'm particularly fond of surprises but it's obviously something to expect. Well..One thing for sure,Onee-san won't make it in time.Douyara,she's not coming home yet.But,it's just getting my results,right? It's not that important. So,I won't mind this one. Kedo..If,if God wills it,I get good scores,I want her to be here.Home. Just like Mom and Dad,she's a very important person to me.Why else would I sometimes put up with her ridiculous ideas? Like marrying me off to her bestfriend.Yes,that would be a topic for a looonnggg time. Qie and Wa,I'll keep in touch with them too. Because my daughter is a natural genius,I'm pretty sure she'll make it alright.And even if she didn't,I wouldn't love her any less.It's just numbers on a paper,deshou? LOL And Wa,my beautiful ang...

We have about 24 hours left before 20th of March,announcing the arrival of our exam results.I'm not sure what to feel by now. I think I'm feeling numb.Yep.That's the word.Numb. Onee-san hasn't send word whether or not she's coming home.I'm quite torn between going and not going.I want to receive my result because damn I worked my ass off for that thing but the idea of sending my brother-my 12 years old Mukhlis-to take my place while I hide under my blanket at home sounds very tempting. Several times I voiced the idea to Mom but she just scoffed away.Sometimes she would just smile indulgently and frankly,the thought that goes into my mind when she does that is 'she thinks I'm an idiot. *mentally facepalm*' I want to see the results but at the same time,I feel like I don't have enough courage to face it.Though actually,I think I know the answer to this dilemma. Mom. She'll drag me to it,no doubt.Even if she had to tell Dad to tie me ...

Counting two more days until SPM result announced. Don't ask if I'm nervous because that would be a very stupid question indeed.In fact,never ask a student about to receive their results because sometimes,you might not like the answer on your face. A part of me says, "hey,why should you be nervous? You gave all you got,there's just the matter of reaping the rewards right? You should be calm and take what you get." and then another part of me counters, "Like shit,man.You're not a robot,it's only normal that you would feel nervous.Besides,it's SPM we're talking about which literally means it will direct your whole life next." and another me claims, "How about let's just not go.I'm pretty sure we're gonna shit ourselves silly when our name's called.Let's bribe our brother to take our place and we could see it at home,surrounded by family and our beloved stuffs.And also there's our pillow handy if we need t...

I've seen an advertisement of the drama in Kreko magazine about 2 years ago and considering I have nothing to do most of the time right now,it's perfect! It's an adaptation of the original anime,Bartender,of a skilled bartender that makes cocktails that could relieve his customers and very thoughtful of them.Sasuga,Arashi no Aiba Masaki-chan! xDD Aiba Masaki~ >3 Oh,Sho and the others must be so proud of him! LOLOL But then again,they must be all the time.Proud of him,that is. Aiba was always so energetic and moving around and I say 'was' because I don't really know how they're doing so far at the moment.The drama was published 3 years ago and I've only managed to watch the first few parts of the first ep because of the slow line at home. He's like,the little ball of sunshine that can't be still,his limbs always moving and twitching.He's really funny.^^ When I watched him in it,I thought, 'Ohh,you can act cool too,Aiba-chan!...

I know almost half of my posts consists me talking about my sister and contains mentions of her in almost every post,but honestly,it's not like I can help it.What's the use of having an older sibling if you don't look up to them for examples? So maybe we have lots of fights now and then and maybe there were a lot of moments the little me wished that we were never sisters but that was,what,when I was 9? 10?  It doesn't matter. Now when we have fights,no matter how big it is,I would shut my mouth and try to calm myself silently.Partly because of the vow I made that I would love her no matter what and partly because I'd like to avoid having a killer migraine at young age. **for some reason humms "Baby,It's Cold Outside"** I miss her so much. It feels so long since she came home,even before my birthday.The stress must be choking her by now.I bet Mom and Dad miss her too but they just don't show it. Mom's not the type to show her aff...

Mom told me that once.She said that I'm a born lone wolf,and I think that maybe I got that from her.Mom's not a sociopath and she's not people-phobic like Onee-san and I.But sometimes I would see her alone in pictures taken candidly. There's one that showed Mom sitting alone by the window at a conference or a meeting or something in the school hall while the tables in front and back were filled with pairs and groups.Hers was empty. Of course,I knew the picture by heart since myself was in the same position so many times I didn't bother counting.Mostly,I preferred being alone when I'm uncomfortable in crowds.Needless to say,I'm always uncomfortable in crowds. Sometimes I would want someone beside me,to ward off my uneasiness with.He or she who could make me feel comfortable even with noisy humans buzzing around us. Or rather,I could just take out a book and read,ignoring the reason of my uneasiness until I was absorbed in the plot and nothing else matt...

Gah. What is wrong with this guy?? Dammit,Kei was right! I'm so sorry,Kei,I should've listened to you.This guy's no better than Akira! Eurgh (-M-|||) Neither his so-called 'jokes' or his obviously corny pick-up lines are funny. *groans* Why do I always get stuck with this type? I'm not interested in dumb jocks! DDxx Scratch that,I'm not interested in ANY romantic relationship AT ALL ! Platonic ones I can tolerate,barely,if not holding the other person at arm's length at ALL times but romantic ones just flat out "NO" . Damn right. Why can't he just read between the freaking lines ??? We're freaking 18 years old now,that's the least he could've learned over the years.Has he not grown up at all??  My God. *facepalm* I'm being very generous and considerate in case of hurting his feelings but my patience is slowly running out.I have low tolerance for idiots. Persistence I could understand,may even admire at ...

I need something new to obsess with. If not,I might as well wallow in some make-believe angst bullshit just to pass the time.Nothing passes through my mind and I waddled through each day like a mindless robot,continuing my routines repeatedly. Onee-san hasn't been home for more than a month and I can't remember the last time she came home.God,I miss her so much. I suppose she must be suffering with all the rackets at her IPG. *sigh* And I guess asking her to take care of herself would be too much because that would be like asking a rock to float on it's own accords.She must be stressed out of her mind. Me on the other hand,is completely on the contrary.Well,minus the anxiety about the next coming results 10 days to come.And my driving test 4 days after that.My practice is going way out of hand and I'm not very much convinced whether or not I would pass.Which means I'll probably not.Gah. Though I suppose this is a peace I should make the most of entirel...

I don't really know the details but lately there's been this huge thing about an aeroplane crash.MH730,I think. It's definitely gone viral. Mom said that I shouldn't apply to study overseas anymore.Dangerous,she said.Well,I said nothing and shrugged in reply. It's nothing of my concern after all.

Normally,people don't go walking up to someone and ask something like,"Hey,I heard you have an awful family dispute.Wanna share it?" because that would either earn them a I-should-call-the-fuckin-police-or-maybe-a-crazy-hospital and possibly followed by a large bloomin' black eye. Now this person isn't someone I don't know,he's an old ex-classmate from my primary school which means that I don't know two shit about him. I know him,but I'm not close to him.We've spoken,like,two words to each other and that's that.After 11 years,sometimes we exchange greetings and it ends there.It never goes farther than that and I honestly don't give a damn. But then a few nights ago,he pop-chatted me in FB and though it was not our first time,it was our longest conversation.Mostly because I was on adrenaline rush that night after blowing the most raging fit I've ever had so far and my mental wasn't in it's stable state. I avoid mentio...

"Dreams aren't supposed to be real.Maybe that's why it was created in the form of one.Maybe we should not recreate it as it was not.Maybe dreams are better off as they were.Wishes." That was my thoughts when I watched a few reruns of FMAB.My first thought was that of the horrendous mistake the FMA anime had turned which they made up with FMAB. The original FMA manga created by Hiromu Arakawa is - as all mangas are - fictional.They were created as dreams,wishes,and for many purposes.Though for some who think that they are merely for entertainment,which they are,and so much more. When the *cough* stupid *cough* people tried to twist the plot far from the original manga - though in their defense,they probably had wanted to put more dramatic effects and the realness of reality into it but instead - as we all know it,had turned the anime into an unspeakable disaster which still exists to this day as proof. Undoubtedly,it must've been a tragedy to FMA shippers ...

I just finished watching them and if I could rate them 10 stars I would.But because we only have 5 so 5 will have to do. More importantly Ciel's cloootheeesss~~!!!! xDD *squeal* Sakamoto Shougo as Ciel Phantomhive Omigod,those clothes look so real! Which,of course they are and they were sooo beautiful on Ciel aka Sakamoto Shougo in That Butler,Friendship and Yukito Nishii in The Most Beautiful Death In The World - A Thousand Souls And A Fallen Grim Reaper ~ x33 The scene where Ciel was kidnapped by the crazy Viscount Druitt and Sebastian came to the rescue.Muahahahaha~  At first I though Mizushima Hiro played Sebastian but that was in the film when I checked it out.The plays was Matsushita Yuya .He's a singer. OMG the way he pronounced "Yes,My Lord" (Sebastian's trademark line) was perfect!  I never gave a second thought about opera but I realized that the theater had some kind of attraction to it.I'd never thought of the day I'd call ...

I'm broken.There was nothing to it.Just that. "Fucked up" also works for me.Pretty much. I'm broken,and even as I mended myself,I did a pretty crappy job of it.Like sweeping all of the ugly things under an imaginary rug. I can't-WON'T-trust anyone anymore. In the end,I had merely refused.