Gah So Weird

Never let it be said that I don't learn from my mistakes.
I don't always have a crush, but when I do, it's almost funny. LOL

I had another terrible breakdown during posting the last post and I reached out to Amelia when I felt like I could no longer hold myself together. 
It was probably dumb but sort of smart thing to do.

 Amelia does what she always do when I have my breakdowns. She pulls me into a hug and sang to me. It was something Luchia had always done, and always works.
I know it sounds like I had replaced her but it's not like that. Luchia will always be my daughter and princess, but she's not here now. Like I am not there for her.

 We talked, Amelia and I, and after calming down, I rummaged my locker and gave her the scissors I- um, never mind. I only wanted her to keep it away, throw it or whatever, but she suggested we bury it under the ground.
So we did.

 I haven't had any more cutting urges since then.

 I don't know about the breakdowns, I may have them once in a while, I cannot be sure. But the good news are that my sleeping tracks are going better and I no longer quite have panic attacks. No more nightmares.

 I'm currently learning how to control my reactions when or if anyone around me talks about sexual abuse. Last time, it didn't go so well. Baby steps, though. Baby steps.

 Right, back to my crush.

 I don't quite know where he belongs. He seems like a normie (normal person) but he gets along with us wallflowers such as Amelia, Irene, and myself so well.
Sometimes we have breakfast and lunch together, all four of us.

 Now, I don't act obvious like I did with Seiji (horrible memories ever) but we talk like every normal (irony) person talks. I suppose the moment when I started being attracted to him is when he impressed everyone in class of a one particularly brilliant answer to a hard question. I'm all for the brains.

Having a wicked humor and being sort of adorable is really just a plus.

 And no, I will not confess.
Well, not now, at least.

 I believe in giving everything my all so that I wouldn't have any regrets.
Just for the right moment with the right thing.

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