Grave Secrets

Some secrets are made to never be revealed and brought to the grave.
Or so we think.

I think it depends on decisions we make.
Humans are rarely constant beings after all.

Two days ago, a slow realization came upon me. My mental state is no longer a secret, but has slowly starting to become just another information about me. I suppose it sort of snuck on me, when I allegedly speak of it to my roommate.
Of course, it isn't relevant to people who are of not blood relations to me.

Last night, after posting my last post, I called Kei.
It's something I'm known to do every now and then. I reach out when I feel like I'll drown. Normal instinct, right? Being a survivor to the core and whatnot.
His voice calms me, and I cried for real.

We talked, and my depression dissipates for the moment.

Since there were talks of his crushes, I began to think of my own feelings. 
Admittedly, I do have this one crush at the moment, but. Rather than the secret of my mental state, it is the secret of crushes that I prefer to take to my grave. 

It is of no importance, for me, because I have long believed that crushes are meant to have from far. Long believed that the point of crushes is that they are unattainable. 


Humans want what they cannot have,yes?
We established that.

I won't give specifics, but I WILL say this.
HE IS NOT KEI.

Much as Amelia would like to believe (that delusional loon), I have nothing for Kei any more than I have for all of my friends. Maybe we're closer because I keep in contact with only him after graduation but I would not step another foot beyond the line.

Kei's great and all, but he's just another Seiji to me.
That's a personal reference btw so you wouldn't know. Sorry. 

Besides, I sort of do this for fun.
I don't mind having crushes from afar, yet wanting nothing to do with them in real life. Because real life is so much scarier than on paper, where most of my relationships occur. Actually, where most of my life occurs.

i think it's safe to say that I live more in my books rather than in real world.
It's why people like me are more comfortable with moderate things.

Living in a homely cottage nearby the natural environment.
Solidarity easily obtain and companionship requires effort.
Encompassed by the things that really matter and not bothered by useless thoughts.
A peaceful and meaningful life.

My magical imaginary home. ^^


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