AkImA No NiKkI

Hey.Nothin' new,just a few rants here and there. Something just made me remember some times when I was a kid.A 10 years old kid. Life was hard for me at the time.I remember once when mom and dad fought,and dad stayed away from home for a while. Muzakkir was 6 and he was at my aunt's house,if I remembered it correctly. Being the only kid in the house,and my sister constantly ignoring me,I didn't know what to do.It was my first time seeing mom and dad quarrel,and it was really scary.At that time,I was thinking,"how come Onee-san gets to stay in her room while I can't?" Even after they made up,the scary memories stayed. After 4 years,I grew to be an independent young girl.But my mind was surprisingly shallow,and something else that I can't be sure of....blankness..?? I became scared,of being lonely,of the dark.Very,very scared... I didn't dare to tell anyone.And it just keep building up inside me,like a timed bomb. Until one night,a fight ...

Yooo~~  today's the day where we form 3 students get our PMR results!  It was a long wait,but I suppose not long enough for me to finish my new book,"Cut".And it was worth waiting,since my result is,Alhamdulillah, straight A's ~!! xDD I didn't expect to get an A for Arabic since I've never got one before! Hahahaha~ xP but I guess Ustazah Norhayati made it all possible,she is the best teacher any student could ever have! and so is all teachers who have dedicated themselves to educate us throughout our 3 years!  [Senseitachi o,tottemo arigatou gozaimasuu~~!!!!] xDDD   I'll make a list of those I know with their results! be proud with what you have,for it is the proof of  all your hard work! I'll start with my 'family' ,of course~ x3 Azwa (mama) - 8A's (I'm so happy for you,babe! I'll send a gift as soon as I can! x33) Faqie (Princess) - 8A's (I'm so proud of you,bb~~!! Your present will arrive along with mama...

O'TANJOUBI OMEDETO GOZAIMASU,BOKU NO OTOTO DE~!! Preeeeetttttt~~~~!!!!! Aaaaaannddd CUT! Okay,that is all for today,goodbye~~!! xPP haha,really,that IS it.Just wanna do something rather than let it pass wastefully,this is his 13th birthday  after all..which is coincidentally next to the day where we PMR students will get our result. I'm surprised that I even remembered his birthday today since we always fight.The difference between my sister and I are 4 years and so is Muzakkir and Mukhlis.Muzakkir and I are the closest with 2 years difference. There's nothing to celebrate anyway since he's away at my uncle's house in Kota Bharu with Mukhlis since last week. Tomorrow has been confirmed that we PMR students are to receive our PMR results at school around 10 am,I think.Waa,hayai! Guess I have to wake up early tomorrow then.I don't look or sound nervous,do I? *sigh~* I suppose whatever I get,I just have to take it like a man.Never mind tha...

Hey.. New year 's coming close around the corner,so that means,we're getting older ,in which occasion I do not enjoy .Thinking that we get older every day makes me paranoid,like my sister.  (-____-||||||) Also,not only the new year and my brother's birthday are the only important occasion,the PMR result 's coming close too..Dang,talking about it makes my stomach knots.If I get lower than 7A 's my mom would so totally kick me from the house .At least that's what she told me.And I don't really mind if I deserved it either.Hahaha~ *sweaty laugh*   Gah.I think I'm developing some kinda human-phobia here.Why can't some people accept that I want to be FRIENDS and ONLY FRIENDS ,dammit! I don't even know why the fucking hell would anyone want to be friends with me! Like my sister said ,"how in the world could anyone befriend you with your little foul mouth??" . YOU tell ME ,I don't know why either. Then again,maybe it wasn...

Hmm ,December 21st is coming soon..That means my brother , Muzakkir ,will be fully 13 this year.And that only means he'll get more and more annoying,since he's about to enter his first year of adolescence.Well,among the five of us he's the one with the latest birthday. Wonder what shud I get him? maybe a day without me bothering him wud be gud.That shud do just as gud. 'kay,another topic now.I really don't get boys. *sigh* I mean, sure I have lots of guy friends than my girlfriends ,but that's just because I was a tomboy back when I was a kid.There were hardly any girls around my age at my neighbourhood so I only hang out with guys even if they were years older or younger than me. I guess that's why I suck at expressing my feelings or anything like that .Other than my girlfriends at school,I never had a childhood girlfriend since all of my childhood friends are...well, guys . I know,I know,my excuse sucks. -_____-|||| But,it's better to...

Dad's away for a few days,visiting his sick friend in Melaka.Leaving us with mom.But mom's having a fever,so it's up to Onee-san and me now to handle the housechores.And our brothers and Mia . It's already December,wonder when will we get our results? No rush there,definitely.I don't wanna grow up so fast~ In fact,I don't think I ever wanna grow up.  (T^T) [pout~pout~] Hmm,since Onee-san is here with me until school starts, let's talk about her ! xD And a little bit mention of my dunno-yet-coming-to-be-my-brother-in-law while listening to "Kimi no Shiranai Monogatari"! ^^ Ever since onee-san broke up with him,she seemed fine ,well she wanted to broke up with him out of annoyance anyway, but I can see that she missed him every few days.I can't say she missed him everyday cuz that's apparently not true..    My poor  兄さん....  "-_____-|||| My Onee-san is a very selfish person.But she would put our family before her.Also,s...

I've read Twilight saga over and over again in this month.I need a new book to read. A huge,thick,english novel which can distract me from this world. After reading them over and over,I seem to be specially attached to the scenes of Bella and Jacob,of course in the movie,onee-san and I would prefer Jacob than Edward. .(cuz we are fans of Taylor Lautner..ha ha ha~) I suppose it's because I've been in the same pit as she did when she knew Jacob loved her more than just a friend,well,except that mine's not approximately six feet tall and is a shape-shifter .. (though in the movie,Jacob was a said to be a werewolf.There's further explanation if you read the novels.) Demo nevertheless,both of us rejected.Of course,we wouldn't wanna lose our friendship.Bella needed Jacob like a drug when Edward left,but mine's just ordinary .I loved him,and so I want that love to stay just as perfect as it is,our love as a friend. For me,friendship matters more than lov...

Huwa.! Huwaaa,,huwaa,,huwaaaa~~~!! xxOO It's like the moment with Azer but more deep! xPP  all this time onee-san and I have kept this,this dark secret to ourselves as we thought of that others would have not accepted us if they were to know our secret. yea,we like to stay low and out of attention but isolated is not what we had in mind.I could imagine the weird glances or even glares from some people around us,especially from the ones we had close relations with.So this secret,until now,has only shared between onee-san and me.Well,until last night actually,-tho it was 1 a.m in the morning. I don't want to state anything about it,cuz it may trigger someone's curiosity.But I'd like to say something about a weird...occasion last night,-morning,or whatever. I suddenly trembled last night. I don't think it's because of the cold cuz i just had a hot coffee to begin with.I don't know why I reacted that way,nor did i know why my heart was frantically beati...

Faqie called tonight.Around 9.15 p.m. Frankly I was surprised.My queen and my princess,they were never one to call me first.Well, sometimes ,but rarely. I was a bit late,picking up. The conversation went a bit.... awkward . I mean,there were silences . Like we're both at lost for words .I... We never experienced that before. Silence , that is . I'll start where we continued after three long silences. Me:.........oh yeah,when I went back to SMIP..Azwa,looked a bit,different.I mean,after 3 years,she looked... Different..... Except that she's way more beautiful of course. Faqie:well yeah,that brat...Your beloved Azwa had turned quite a mature lady.I suppose you could say that 'cause you haven't been with us for the past 2 years .She could control her temper a little bit,I guess.And she doesn't go ballistic over something irrational anymore. *chuckles* Me:wow,really? that is a big difference.*sigh* I miss my stubborn,childish,homey Azwa.Though I...

Well,it's currently 4:19 a.m in my room,my house,Tanah Merah town,Kelantan district,Malaysia. Nothing personal,just had the urge to update my blog before it's completely forgotten. Current music playing, B.U.T(Be.Au.Ty) by HoMin(TVXQ) . I love Chang Min .x3  .......I suppose that's enough for foreword..*sigh* Maa,to start it off I had a nice evening today.I went to PT-Pantai Timur which is located near my house,beside my school with my neighbour,Amani.She's turning thirteen next year but she's almost as tall as I am. Seriously,am I growing shorter?? I went to check out some new anime DVD release which unfortunately does not taste to my liking.   -not sure I pronounced that right.- This week's my last part-time job because it's the last week of school.Means mom and dad won't be needing babysitting service after school ended. Means my last payday . Well,I suppose it's not half as bad as it looks. Had some new anime on must-watch list ,al...

Yooooooo~~~~~ News,news~~!! xDD I've just finished watching an anime called Angel Beats recommended by Syaf 2 days ago! Say what,I'm truly truly glad Syaf recommended me this anime,thanks a bunch! xD I really like the plot,and how the characters were connected,the way I see it,the Battlefront seemed more like a big family than a..now what do you call it?? uhh..soldier camp?  maa,never mind,I don't remember what it's called, the thing is I loved the ending! (^v^)  Yes,it was sad and touching when Yuzuru and Kanade was the only one left and Kanade had to go first,just right after Yuzuru confessed his love for her.Nevertheless,they met after their reincarnation so I guess it's a happy ending~! x33 Ah,today I slept at the library(at school) so long I didn't realize it was almost past 2!  Truth is,I just went to school to send a history book I borrowed from Hanita sensei and while being at it,I took a few english novels to kill some time but ended up sle...

WOW.I can't believe this.PMR's over.Can you believe that? It's over. OVER .     Hah! Free! Free at laaaassstttt~~~!!!! xDDDD Gaaaaaa~~~~~ I'm gonna do every single thing I've been restraining myself from since like,last year! Hah! Freeeeeeeeddddoooooommmmmm~~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!! xDDDDDDDD Ceh.Even if I'm free for now,have to wait until Onee-san comes home with new stock.Until then,let's go download some freaking cool new MV's~~!!!! xDD Well,since study and pressure problems are no more,personal problems made priority. (sigh~) Now seriously,what else personal problems could I have other than with that dense guy? I can tell he's insensitive thou frankly almost 90% guys our age are insensitive  towards their so-called-crush.Right around April,I think,he confessed.To me.Okay,no objection.Around the same month,I responded,sealing a deal between us.Although we're not officially a couple,you could say that we're almost one.And now,cou...

Sorry to inform this quite late but me and nee-san have reconciled!!!! Yeay!! Yeay for me!! xDD  Eventhough I started the conversation,but I surely don't want the misunderstood goes on and she DID apologize to me.Now that she sknew the truth,we are sisters again!! xDD  And nii-san (my hopefully-to-be-brother-in-law) were also relieved that we;ve reconciled cuz the last time he talked to me was when I almost hurt myself with a scissors.What,u don't believe me? Huh,trust me.I don't believe myself either.But that does happens sometimes cuz believe it or not,I used to hurt myself everytime I gets depressed.Not so much now,I guess.I hope.(-___-")

Typing right around 3.05 a.m now..First time onlining FB after  a week of PMR Trial exam.I was kinda hoping to see or read some good news from my friends and most especially my sister,Nee-san. But alas,what I read tonight sliced my heart to smithereens.... After that betrayal by my first ever love,I was able to stand up again eventhough it took quite some time and with Faqie's support I was able to forget the whole thing even the guy himself.I was glad...But..Now,Nee-san... My own sister ...I'm not saying she..betrayed me,no.. It's just that she accused me of being a "rotten" teenager because she thought that I had a boyfriend at this age.. I DON'T HAVE ONE RIGHT NOW ..Maybe I will in 2 years to come,but that's still far away! Such cruel statement... She..never listens to me... But I have always..always listened to her problems,listened to everything that makes her day happy or gloomy or sad or angry or whatever feelings there is but why can...

Yo. Currently sitting my butt on the PMR Trial Exam now.Still 2 more days to go,subjects-Geography,Kemahiran Hidup and Arabic Language.Ahh~~ wish it'll passes quickly!! xPP Haven't contacting Fazer,Faqie nor Azwa lately cuz afraid to disturb their study..But I misses them a lot..(I miss them all the time.(^^")) Ah,it's Ramadhan month rite now,and I guess it is the cause that causes the serenity that begins to seep between me and my parents.Things are beginning to cool down now..Dad stopped calling me "Husna' (he does that when he's angry at me) and Mom doesn't yell at me anymore.I guess Ramadhan is the month of miracle.. I'm really thankful..(^^) So far everything is good..(^^)

Hey.Sorry for not posting so long.It's been like,what,a month? since I last posted,but never mind.I was busy anyway,the trial for PMR is coming soon so all of us 3rd years have to struggle.Today,is one of those days where I keep wishing how good it would be if I could just extinguish my existence or in other words;die. I know I'm not the most obedient nor perfect daughter ,but I never disobeyed my parents..Always tried to satisfy their wishes upon myself eventhough agaisnt my very own will. I tried..Really.. I really..Tried... But I want to have some private things on my own too..Even just a little room of privacy,I want that room.. Now I'm currently filling the whole pages of a green diary which Faqie gave me 2 years ago.I wanted it to be full..Full of the days that I wrote in it,so that when I am with her again,I want her to know every single detail of my life here.. I want her to know that I missed her on every single pages in that diary.. I really,seriousl...

Urgh...It hurts more than I expected it to be...Well,I'm not suprised that it came to me earlier than it should but,it's a bit too ,early.. All was going well until he sent me that stupid request .All was running smoothly with each's lives normally until that stupid request he made that made me feel so utterly stupid for even giving a  thought of him being my legally coming-to-be boyfriend . We just achieved a mutual agreement last nite,and this morning he acts like he's already my boyfriend! Besides,we just knew each other this year!! (>^<) "Once bitten,twice shy"- I should've known..This idiom has always been in my most favourited idioms of all amongst many things I love in Eng.subject.And I acknowledge it's meaning very well... Now I feel so stupid ...Stupid for failing in something that I acknowledge very well.. I should've seen it coming,but then,what can I say? I'm stupid ..Aren't I?? I've experienced this ...

2 years from now,maybe I won't be single anymore.Thou that fact scares me a bit,but this would be a new experience for me and a new chapter in My LiFe.I thought about choices I have in choosing paths that will create a new branch in my road of life ,and I doubt that there won't be any obstacles,cuz there always will be.  [preparing for obstacle]  I asked him ; 2 years,until SPM is over,could you wait? and relieved when having the definite answer although he was playing quite dumb and all. Like,saying uncertain statements.For example ,"maybe" or "perhaps". That's the part I hate about him the most,but still,he have advantages and disadvantages.Everyone does.Even so, I can't tolerate uncertanties at this point.(-____-) He asked about the 3rd guy.I said, what about him? he sounded so grumpy it made him look like he was jealous or something.He said that the 3rd guy have been asking about me from him and eventhough he was angr...