AkImA No NiKkI

I'm okay. My head's okay.Couldn't say the same for my brain tho,I'm afraid it's already fried and turned into a pile of goo. It's not new and everyone knows it. Twitter. yeah.I'm not,tho I think I'm starting to. I HAD a Twitter account,it's just that I haven't using it a long time until today.Well,because of last night,that is. Nee-san followed (and stalked) a few favourite artists of ours and it felt real,y'noe? Like we're getting a seat on the first row of their show and see them in person. That had me going. xP But honestly,I don't think I will. I think I'll just let her get the scoop and hear it from her.Frankly,that part of reality repulses me. I felt like it crushes every little piece of my own little perfect made-up world and so I don't want to face it head-on. My own sanctuary is all I had to keep my sanity from bursting.I need it to keep me buzzed before everything's over and I can plomp dead. This...

Okay.I'm freaking out.I don't even know why. Last night I got such a nightmare I talked in my sleep and only one person does that and it definitely isn't me. I think Nee-san heard me and I think. ...I heard me too.I was pretty loud. :P Ugh. This's worse than when I freaked out from that trauma I got during my time in the hostel 4 years ago when a couple of stupid seniors decided to play a stupid prank on me by sexually assaulting me in the dorm. They were trying to pull off my freakin' pants .(T___T) Good thing I kicked them off and just in time to save my conscience too. Sadly my pants didn't survive that attack.They freakin' teared it off into two pieces .Can you imagine the situation? It was mortifying .And we were struggling on my bed .Nobody in the dorm except for us and it was after night prep . So,yeah.It got me traumatized for a while. But this..This is worse. Maybe I'm going nuts. Y'noe,that sudden moment when you just feel l...

yeah,yeah,I know it's my third post 'bout how this year's gonna end and how I freakin' don't wanna go back to that holy piece of shit school and how next year's gonna be hell but honestly,it's 4 more days to that day so I'm gonna whine and freak all I want until that freakin' hell of day alright? Thankfully,my whines and freaks usually ends no more than a minute after they starts.I change according situations,remember? The go-with-the-flow type. Tho mostly it's because I'm easily distracted. Hehe~  I was bummed when I started this post 'cause I was thinking 'bout school then as soon as my focus strayed to something else entirely,my mood changed almost immediately. Depends on the stuff,that is. And I've just read the most fluffy,heart-warming,lovey-dovey,teeth-rotting sweetness Klaine fanfics so that got me grinning non-stop and tears brimming my eyes. And there was that FB fics! omg,I seriously totally cracked up on that...

Hey guys. It's practically raining cats and dogs out there and water's rising dangerously quick to warning level at my house. It's cold. I like it. xD The best time to just wrap myself in my blankie with a hot cocoa (tho it's just milo,actually.Haha~) and read a book.^^ I'm sure Qie's doing the exact same thing right now.Minus the book part.She doesn't actually read other than comics. Usually I wake around 10 but in this kinda weather,I found myself waking up around 12. Great .My face's gonna swell up like a balloon from that. Even in the evening,it feels like 7 in the friggin' morning. The cold reminds me of Christmas songs.Not because now's Christmas season 'cause we don't celebrate this holiday. Songs like Baby,it's cold outside sung by Kurt and Blaine in Glee.I dunno the original singers and it's a duet. Nee-san and I sing this together 'cause,y'noe,it's a duet.It has to be sung by two person an...

O-kay. December's running out  and soon I won't have time as to even consider turning my way to the PC. I guess homework's not an option 'cause I discarded them as soon as holiday started anyway  but for the sake of my teacher's heart,I'd just fill whatever I can.LOL I warned them to never give homeworks on final year's holiday.Beats me. It's been a while since my last surf on the Internet.xP Anyway,we got back from KL a few days ago. Nee-san got what she came for.Most of 'em.She didn't get "Lullaby" ,the sequel of "Wake" but then,we'd get it another time. That,I'm sure.There's bound to be another time. Meanwhile,I got "True Believer" by Nicholas Sparks like I said I would, "Gone,gone,gone" , "Little Sister" by Lucy Dawson,and Pseudonymus Bosch 5th book, "You Have To Stop This" .  On the other hand,I've read both Firelight sequels, Vanish and Hidden and...

Mom's graduating from her OUM next week. The graduation ceremony took place at PWTC,KL. (or so I think.I don't really remember the venue.-_____-|||) And I heard one of the biggest bookstore in the country (or in the world.I dunno.Meh.), MPH Bookstore is nearby. That ,is Nee-san and mine's goal. We've been looking forward to that moment for weeks now! xD Just thinking about the books we could find there makes my heart leaps with excitement! xPP  Nee-san had her list,of course. The ones I knew on her list was the sequel of 'Dearly Departed','Dearly Beloved'.And the sequels of 'Firelight'. Sequels of 'Wake','Wrecked' and 'Carrier of the Mark' are still unknown to this country.I mean,like,they're already published in another country but it seems like they hadn't reached here yet. I hope they get here soon.(=v=) Me? I just take whatever my hands could reach.Hehe. Kidding~ ;P I'd get whatever gets my l...

Gah. It's December already. -____-|||| Damn. Don't feel like starting school. Nononononononononononono~~~~ D"x Feels like sleeping a long dream. And obviously one I don't wanna wake up from.(T____T) What're ya lookin' at? I've always been a lazy brat.Hmph! (=^=)-o I miss Qie,Wa and Azer soooo much!! Dx I was supposed to go to KB and meet Qie,then we'd plan a surprise together for Wa at her house..We had it all planned out.. *sigh* But then,because of some...well,technical problems,I couldn't go there. Qie must be so dissapointed.. She was so ecstatic about my visit for months..(TT^TT) My poor baby.. Maybe I'd take a car license next year and drive there myself.It's a long shot,I know.But I'd take anything considered by now. I just missed them so much. At the very least,I'd love to meet them before we graduate from high school.I don't want to leave my high school life without any memories of them. My most belove...

It's nothing.I assure you it's nothing significant about it. And it is . Urgh,that stupid dream.(-____-") I dunno why I had that dream.After lots of blank sleeps,why this dream?? Plus,it's over,like,fucking two years ago! Damn. Last nite,I had the most fucking absurd dream of all my fucking dream list. Of my first love. Oh believe me ,it's not like I wanted this to happen.It just did. Besides,it was innocent.(-^-) *huff* Just the feel of his hand braiding my hair(?).There wasn't even images. Well,one. Me with 'someone's' hand in my hair,braiding them. The rest was blurred but I'm sure he's not in it.Is that just because my hair's gotten long? 'Cause it's been a while since I have long hair,like,when I was 12 years old. Then seeing him again today. I feel nothing of course,it's just that that stupid dream kinda bothers me. I didn't remember it at all at first but when he came close to me from behind f...

Dammit. Homework so damn many.Haven't even touched any of them yet.Ugh. *rolls eyes November's ending..Soon December will start. Man.. I guess I should start workin' on 'em real soon,huh? I miss my friends..(TT^TT) Didn't think holidays could be any lonelier.Well,Onee-san and I..aren't in good terms right now..More like, from now on. Can't believe I was so goddamn enthusiastic when she came home.I thought,when she's home,we could talk and solve the friggin' problem so that we'd go back to normal. Newsflash! I WAS WRONG. The one that came home wasn't my sister. Or at least,the one that I loved.The one that would always put this family first before anyone else.The one that cared . I used to be so freakin' scared of her,when I was little. When we were good and perfectly comfortable with each other,I grew less and less afraid of her. Then after she came back,I was terrified of her. Tho she thinks I'm not 'cause I diso...

Okay.It's been a while since I've done this so I'm a bit rusty. Wa texted me tonite and the conversation was a little bit..heated. The middle of it,at least. I'll start at the beginning. Azwa:Slm.What're u up to? are u busy? Me:Wslm.I'm just on9-ing.Nope,not busy at all.Never would if it's with you guys.x) Azwa:Really? Me:Of course.Even if I was driving,I wouldn't say I'm busy.Never mind that I don't know how to,yet. Azwa:Haha,yeah rite.U're joking. Me:Urgh,I'm not joking.Okay,I know that I'm a jerk for abandoning and walking out on you guys when I moved away and I seriously regret it.Still am.I know that I wasn't there when you needed me and I'm losing contact with you but that's because I don't want to bother you.That's one the signs that I love you two like crazy,Okay? I have and will always remember you and always miss you.Things like this....I will never make it a joke. Azwa:Okay,okay..I won...

Okay,I'm seriously freakin' out.With LOVE . FOR KLAINE !!!!! xDDDD Klainer 's on high here,so the usual, DON'T LIKE DON'T READ . FAIR WARNING .   I AM IN LOOOOOVVVEEEEE~~~!!!!! XDDDDD BLAINE ANDERSON AND KURT HUMMEL IS OBVIOUSLY THE CUTEST MOST AWESOMEST COUPLE IN DA WOORRLLLDDD~~~~~!!!! X333 Oh my God,it's like YunJae and the Cassiopeia and the perfection of love all over again!!  I cannot recall of the enormous time spent giggling like idiots everytime I stumble upon the most incredible fanfics.(ov0) I've just read a fanfic where Darren Criss (Blaine's actor) swapped his body with the real Blaine like that one episode in Supernatural. The author mentioned it in the fic but I didn't really get it.I only got Supernatural until season 4.Now's like,almost season 7 already! (0___o) Haha! If you're a close acquaintance of mine,then this is one side of me that you will see when I'm absolutely ecstatic. XDDD Jumping up ...

This.is.the.best.skipping.school.day.ever. xD I skipped school today~  Talk about playing hookie! xP No paper today and we're supposed to send our textbooks tomorrow.Woke up around 8,I slept early last nite.Straight to PC!! Hahahaha~~ xPP Didn't even have breakfast.Can,but wouldn't cuz used to not have any. Mom and Dad let me do what I want,with conditions.I can skip school,when there's no merit for me to be there. Like school programs or anything that does not concerns learning.Well,not systematically,at least.(T___T) I was wondering this yesterday when I was reading Klaine fanfics. Which gives more impact? Words or Pictures ? It's like determining whether you're a cat person or a dog person thoweMuslimscouldnottouch/keepdogsaspetsbutit's arhetoricalquestionsononeedtoanswer. Wow.that's fast.And long. I'm starting to talk fast.I talk fast when I'm excited.Or when I'm bored. That sometimes happen when I talk to myself.But I gu...

Different people,different opinions,right? It's very handy in counter-attacks for insults.Not that a lot of people use it anyway from the way I see it.(-____-") I rarely need to do counter-insults because usually I'm doing the insulting.Haha~  "Normal" means differently to different people.Some people think gay is normal and some people don't. Of course,everything depends on the person's personality. And SOME people just can't get enough of bitching.I can't shake the damn guy off.He's been harassing us for some good couple of weeks now. And for me,that's not normal. The guy must be some kinda psycopath raper or some crazy nutjob to be able to hold out this long.(-_______-||||) He stopped coming onto me for a while after I literally told him that he's a moronic wacko .Tho he didn't stop harassing the others,I'm just gonna go out and say it ain't my problem.   I gave them advice to stop the prank texts and mis...

Well,here's some news. I don't like people.Muzakkir's snake's dead.Nee-san is pissed at me.And there's still two days before exam AND school resumes. Other than the snake and the school,I suppose the others aren't much of a news.I mean,I've always dislike people and I make Nee-san pissed at me almost half of the time. The snake..Ah,well,Mukhlis hit it with a broom by accident and died a few hours later.Of course,Muzakkir was angry a little bit. He made Mukhlis cleaned the snake's place but I scolded him then. Didn't need to talk much,just clicked my tongue,like Dad did when he wants Muzakkir to shut up. I told him that it's just a snake and not worth getting angry at his brother for.At least he listened to me. With Muzakkir,it's like treading a fine invisible thread.You can never know what snaps him so most of the time,I keep my words to myself. After Nee-san took Mukhlis and Syamim (our lil' cuzzin,Mukhlis's age.) out to bu...

Hye. Today felt good.Nee-san had me hooked up on 'Glee' and honestly,once I'm hooked,I'm hooked for life.(-w-) Tho we had addmath paper 1 today,the song "Raise Your Glass" sung by Blaine a.k.a Darren Criss keep playing in my head. Can't get it out.(^^") I wrote the lyrics that I remembered on a piece of paper.Which Kei (not real name) saw and asked me to sing it for him. I don't mind,since Kei is a good friend.It's his birthday in the next two days too so I might as well give him a head start. Muzakkir's home today. And to Dad's astonishment,he brought a snake with him.A real live snake.y'noe,a reptile that had no legs and it hisses and slithers.THAT snake. It was cute,I admit.And he can keep it if he wants to.But I ain't havin' it eating/biting/choking my cats. The snake wasn't venomous,not to humans,at least. Dad had me researched it.It's scientific name is Chrysopelea and it's the kind that flies....

Yeah,yeah,it's the same thing all over again. Aku da penat l yn mkhluk2 yg dipnggil mnusia nih.Asal diorg x phm yg mamat tu dgn aq da lame break? Nk kata aku x tegur,nak bebuih da mulut aku ni. Hari2 duk ulang bende same je. It's like they're BLIND to the fact that he and I have broke up. Huh,and they call themselves MY friend.Aku tau,mgkin salah aku jgk sbb pndai sgt gi ckp kt diorg.I dunno,I thought MAYBE they'd understand. One of the many reasons I HATE this friggin' place and the people in it. Aku paham,it's a joke . Bukannye aku xleh nak joke ke ape tpi panggil name die brulang2 kali dpn muka aku mmg rude gile. Ni da lebih. Wahai manusia2 sekalian,korg tau tak aku ni spesies korg? Sepelik manapun aku, sejarang manapun korg tgok aku berekspresi ,aku MASIH sorg manusia. Sorg mkhluk Allah yg,walaupun sikit, ADE perasaan. Bukannye aku xde mintk korg berenti pnggil aku dgn name dia.Korg nak aku melutut ats tanah dan merayu kt kaki korg sup...

Ah,people,we meet again. (of course,where else?!) Exam's two days away and I really, shouldn't have time for updating my blog but,well,I was doing homework so why not? LOL~ My classmates and I have been receiving prank calls and texts from the same person lately. It pissed me off . His texts are really stupidly irritatingly fucking annoying ,it annoys me so much I could just reply them with cursing words on my own. But then I thought better of it and leave it as it is.Because I thought of the credits it would cost me and how I'm gonna need it for my Qie and Wa. I'd love to find the guy and smash his phone with his head .Then I'd go for his resource who provided him access to our numbers. Then again,as I'd said before,I didn't have much leisure to do that. *sigh* I vented my anger with Qie at the end of the line. Of course,seeing she is my "daughter" and the mysterious telepathical bond we shared,she would feel pissed no less than I di...

Hello people! xD I'm in a very super duper good mood lately,even with final exam's 'round the corner.xP Why?  Because Qie and Wa have been contacting me a lot lately! It was on one nite when I suddenly received Qie's message.And right when my mind flashed her name,too! LOLLL~~!! xDD Since then,we've been contacting each other on regular basis now~ x33 Now that I think of it,we haven't contacted each other at all this year.(=^=") But one sad news. Wa have got herself a BOYFRIEND .(O______o) *shock* Well,if I say I don't mind that's OBVIOUSLY a lie 'cause I DO mind. Tho Azer and Qie have assured me that the guy is nice and all,I couldn't bring myself to trust it. *sigh*  As long as she's happy and nothing bad happens to her,I guess that's the best I could hope for.  Besides,Qie's there and I relied on her to watch out for her "mother" . That made me feel better.Because Qie's twices violent than I a...

Ahhhhhhh~~~~ My daily life is so boring .(=^=) Minus the new things we learn at school, everything is boring . I want a good tour to a good bookstore for a good book.Scratch that,I need a good tour to a good bookstore for a good book. At least,it could get me away from the world for a while.(-^-) *siggghhhhh* Since my beloved songs are gone ,my head seems to think about useless stuffs! The books at home kept me calm for a while but it doesn't work cause I already knew the plot and all. *sighh* I wanna watch animes.A good 'ol fluffy heartwarming cute anime.Like One Piece movies or Bleach movies or FMA movies or anything that could distract me. Broadband lines are slow,it's impossible to watch it on9 when I couldn't even open the Youtube vids. AHHHHHHH WHERE'S HOMEWORK WHEN YOU NEED THEM?! (>0<)/ Maybe I can do revision.Exam's 'round the corner anyway.(It's not "can" ,it's "should" you idiot.) Bah. Sir said t...

This is the second time this month I cried. I've been crying a lot lately,is it puberty?? Hahaha~ Well,I suppose it's normal.. I miss Wa and Qie and my guys. Wa and Qie especially . I write diaries,though not so often.I try my best to keep it up-to-date. Writing is a way for me to remember . The same way drawing is.Sometimes I draw incidents that I want to remember so that I won't forget.Like a picture. A photo. Sometimes it's just my wishes. When I read back that green diary Wa and Qie had bought for me 4 years ago,I couldn't help but cry. I've gotten the hang of crying alone now. It hurts,as usual,but it doesn't matter.I just want to cry,that's all. The happy memories,with Wa and Qie made me thought of them.I couldn't bother them now ,in the middle of the night. I knew how Qie's temper when disturbed from her sleep and Wa never keeps her phone near her when she goes to bed. Even after 4 years,I remember their habits as...

Today Nee-san came home. I was happy,I missed her so much . I thought it was a dream,when I woke up and found her sleeping peacefully next to me. Then I saw her bags and knew she was home . But that's not the point. I can't remember. What the hell happened last night? After I finished my homeworks around 12,I was getting ready for bed. Then a pain throbbed in my chest. It twisted , pulled , squirmed ,somewhere near my heart. I don't understand. What happened? Why am I feeling this? Nothing unusual happened today.. Why? What is this pain for? It grew stronger and stronger until I took my blanket and wrapped myself in it. I stiffled the sobs and the tears started rolling. I cried from the pain I don't even know.Because it hurts . I don't understand. I don't understand. I don't understand. I cried and cried until the throbbing pain goes away. Then I felt like I was half-concious.I realize what's happening,but I couldn't grasp ...